How often do you get mad at someone ? Especially someone that really matters to you.
Does anyone out there encounter the same problem I'm facing right now ? Cause I really need help.
To be true, I am a very hot tempered person. Maybe I was brought up that way in my family, or maybe its just my own attitude problem. I don't know. But one thing I know, is when I get really mad at something nobody could stop me from doing anything. I hate myself for having this problem and I wanna overcome it so badly. :( I really do.
When I am angry, I say things that I don't mean it and scold that person in a terrible manner. When I was younger, I remember I wasn't like this. I was the one that got hit by my parents and tortured by them. But, why am I turning into them ? Why am I following their footsteps ? I don't want all this, I don't want to hurt anybody. I rather not befriend with anyone than hurting people around me for no reason.
My anger and temper arises whenever thing didn't work the way I plan. Maybe I get furious when I expect things too much. For example, I plan to go out with someone at 3pm, and when the person comes late and I had to wait. I'll get furious easily. I might be impatient but I am not totally impatient. I could me patient sometimes. I just don't know why things get on my nerves so easily.
I also get angry by just tiny little mistakes people do. I can't stand it when people don't act the way I expect them to act. Its so frustrating to me. I know this is bad, I need help. I need someone to guide me, I need someone to teach me how to understand better and learn to forgive people better. I wanna be like how I use to be. I don't want people to dislike me just because of my lousy temper that I know could harm the rest of my life. Temper could bring me down and if I don't learn how to overcome it now. Someday in future, everyone will not respect me for who I am anymore. No one would ever befriend with me anymore.
Temper and anger also affects relationships. I'm not talking about girl/boyfriend relationship only,but also relationship between my family members. My parents use to argue almost everyday in front of my siblings and I. Maybe its because of that influence, that incident gave us a very big impact. It hit us very badly. Until today, we(siblings and I) might even argue among ourselves for small reason. I know it sound bad, I really wanna change things around me. I wanna make a difference in our family, an Don't want this to happen anymore cause I know this won't bring us any good. But first, I have to start making changes. I've tried, but still won't work. I understand when people teach me to control myself when I know I'm about to blow up. However when it comes, I just couldn't control.
Just like what my Sunday School teacher once told me in class. We must have the understanding before we could forgive others. We must know what is happening, and must understand the situation. I always fail whenever I attempt to do so. Buddha, can you show me the right path ? Can you lead me to be a better and understanding person so that I wouldn't hurt others ? I really hope, I'll make changes someday.
I really do :(
